oh the possibilities

Has any of the two readers of this blog noticed that many of my best (or at least funniest by my defintion) are created late at night? Well, its true. And surprisingly enough, they happen to be late at night while I'm at the hospital. I'm not trying to debunk or demyth the ideal of a resident physician. The truth is that when I'm on call I spend a lot of time waiting for things. Waiting for patients to come, waiting for lab results to pop up on the computer, waiting until its a respectable enough time to go to bed. So in this waiting I entertain myself in various ways. Sometimes I read about patients. Sometimes I read about diseases. But mostly, I picture myself with facial hair. Tonight has been no different as I've deeply and meaningfully contemplated facial hair. Rather than idle thought, I decided to create fairly accurate images of what I would look like with different types of facial here. And here they are.

First, we have the simple goate'. And yes, that is in fact a picture of me. I took it of myself for residency applications. And yes, I'm smiling because I'm not wearing pants.





Simple, classy, and a little understated. And yes, this is my natural facial hair color -- bridging that beautiful hue between neon and jack-o-lantern orange. I think I need some cool, thick framed glasses though for the full effect.

Next up, the full goatee.



Honestly, I'm worried a little bit about getting chunks of food stuck in that beard. Its kind of weird, too, how I have facial hair growing out of my upper lip. That's just the way it grows though.

Next up is something a bit more "hipster"

Nothing says trendy like mutton chops and a razor-tipped goatee. Its kind of like an inverted, orange Christmas tree. Which makes it awesome.

For the fans of classic facial hair, here is a little treat named "the rollie fingers" after the great relief pitcher of the same name (and great is in reference to his 'stache).

A little comical, a little sinister, a lot of awesome.

Next up, the full beard. I've been listening to a lot of "indie folk" music lately, so I think I really need to look the part. And looking the part entails wearing plaid shirts (usually with pearl snaps) and growing a beard.

I think that it looks pretty good though. Kind of like a young Harrison Ford in "The Fugitive" before he became a fugitive and had to blend in. So it would be a good fit for me since I'm a doctor and will at some point in my life inevitably blame a one-armed or similarly de-appendaged man for some crime.

Fu-manchu. Enough said.

And lastly, the chin-strap.

I think for this to work, I need to get roid-ed up and get a tribal tattoo on my upper bicep and some large tattoo on my upper back. Of course, that is my ultimate goal in life, but you can't just jump to that...

There were some other possibilities. Some other variants didn't make the list, including "the adolf", "the pedophile", "the creepy-uncle", etc.