The Nine Shifts: Shift 9

Pre-shift 9: I had a dream that I was at a church meeting and out of nowhere I was awarded the Stanley Tool “Against the Grain” Award for Excellence in Respiratory Care. I felt it a bit ironic at first but happily accept the award. I also dreamt about lupus. Checking my email after waking, I find my friend Jenny has sent me an MP3 of “Eye of the Tiger” in commemoration of Shift 9. I am grateful and listen to it repeatedly. I shadow box as well.

Shift 9: At this point, success seems a foregone conclusion. Nothing short of dismemberment will keep me from completing my shift. I wonder if the greatest accomplishment of The Nine Shifts is that I spent 9 shifts or 108 hours in the children’s ER without coming down with any kind of illness. To wade waist high in gastroenteritis and viral upper respiratory infections and kids spewing forth pure contamination from every bodily orifice without getting a fever. Not even a runny nose. I feel my immune system so strong that I could lick the counter tops in the ER and come away healthy. I decide to not put that theory to the test. I am awarded my diligence with one more shift in the 3-6’s, by far my favorite pod. The ER fates, once my enemy, have now accepted me. No longer trying to destroy me, they give me in parting a final peace offering. They give me ear infections. The bread and butter of outpatient pediatrics. I see more ear infections in my last hours than I did in a month of ER. Every one of my final patients has an ear infection. Whether they came in for fever or diarrhea or cough, they are revealed to have ear infections. Even as it is happening I realize the surrealism of it all. I am surprised to learn that our cafeteria periodically has a Cajun food bar. While a strange thought, I learn the jambalaya has an even stranger taste. In my final moments, I rejoice in the moment. My friend Melissa presents me with a certificate for my achievement. We take commemorative photos of the final moment of victory. The moment is one of completeness. I walk out of the ER like every night before for the past 8 but this time to not return, my victory complete.

Post-shift 9: I ride my bike home in the cold for the last time at 1:30 am. I drink an orange soda and eat a candy bar while watching TV, the sugar and high fructose corn syrup not as sweet as the sense of accomplishment. I fall asleep on the couch watching the Cosby Show.